Dear Dr. Dorree

I'm 45 and my second wife is 15 years older than I am. We've been married 3 years and it's only getting better. My 3 kids ages 15, 16 and 21 won't talk to her and will only see me if I meet them out of our home. They have called me a pervert. They live with their mother only a few miles away and could easily come over. My wife and I would welcome them.  I love my kids and don't want to lose them. What do I do?

Arthur

Dear Arthur,

Of course you have a right to marry whomever you choose.  But, I do wonder if you thought these issues out before you got married?  Did you talk to your kids in advance of your marriage?  Did they participate in the wedding?  How did you integrate them from the very beginning?  Do they know why you got divorced in the first place?  Somehow, I suspect the work that was needed in advance didn't get done?  OK, that's past. How about starting now.  You say nothing about your wife and what's good about your marriage.  Is it sex or love or a comfortable home? The responsibility to  keep the door open so that you don't lose your kids is yours.  Ask each one what's bothering them.  Spend time with each one separately.  Whatever you do, "don't fence them in" and force them to have a conversation with you in a confined space.  Will your wife talk to them as well?  Start with your 21 year old.  It may take  few years for your teenagers to even agree to  listen.  Mending the broken family is up to you.  They must see your wife as close to being  grandmother.  Better tell them what you fell in love with and why your not a pervert.  What's their concept of a pervert anyway? Do you know?  If not, better find out or nothing will change.

Dr.  Dorree