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Blog
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Written by Dorree Lynn, PhD
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Thursday, 26 August 2010 13:38 |
 What Does Your Sleep Style Say About You?
How and where you sleep in the bed may say something interesting about you, like how much space you need in your relationship and what your boundaries are. Which one of the following describes you?
You Sleep Intertwined with Your Partner All Night
Some partners, especially in comfortable, long-term relationships, sleep close and even turn with their partners unconsciously in their sleep. It's as if, no matter what happens
during the day, even if they are at odds, they find comfort in each other's body warmth and connection at night. When sleeping apart, these couples often do just fine alone, but when together (no matter how big the bed) they intertwine and turn together as one.This is no guarantee that their relationship will last any longer than others, but for some it does provide deep comfort and body nurturance during sleep.
You Like to Cuddle or Spoon for a While,Then Sleep Apart
Many people like pre- and post-sleep cuddling for comfort and connection, without sticking together like Velcro all night. They also enjoy pre- and post-sex caressing or spooning (as opposed to "roll-over-and-go-away-after-sex" manners). When they are actually sleeping, however, they prefer their own space.
You Keep a Toe or a Hand Touching or Nearby
This can provide reassurance that all is well, without your feeling confined by the other person. It may also be a compromise sleep style for bed partners who have different needs for comfort and connection-that is, where one wants more and the other wants less.Or maybe you both just like to know you are not alone, yet still sleep apart.
You Stay Mostly on Your Side of the Bed
Even when your partner is gone, you have your special place. This is your territory and your comfort zone. You meet your partner in the middle of the bed for sexual activity-often involving intercourse,which is pretty hard to accomplish long distance-or you both get into a pattern of one partner, usually the sex initiator, coming over to visit the more sexually passive, non-initiator's side. Light sleepers (like many women after menopause) may sleep in their own corners to avoid their partner's movements or noises. Some couples may even end up sleeping in separate rooms, with occasional "visits"in each other's beds. For some, sleeping together is too physically or emotionally uncomfortable, or both. Or maybe it's just the snoring!
You Sleep in the Center of the Bed
With or without your partner, the center is yours! It's your world and your territory and you like spreading out.You are fortunate if your partner is willing and able to fit around your needs (both physically and emotionally). To make this work in most beds, your partner needs to be relatively smaller than you. If he or she needs more room, you could try putting two beds together. Otherwise, one of you may not get enough rest (or even enough power in the relationship).
Some couples alter their sleep styles (on purpose or unconsciously) due to illness, anger, boredom, or a host of other reasons. But most couples tend to fall into a pattern and stick with it, and it is common for this routine not to suit both partners equally. Given that we spend about a third of our lives in bed,with whom we sleep and how comfortable our style are worth thinking about.
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Blog
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Written by Dorree Lynn, PhD
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Wednesday, 18 August 2010 16:25 |
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With age, illness does happen. Here are some suggestions to continue your sexual life anyway. All other comments and thoughts are welcome.
Let’s get real: illness sucks! Even if you don’t get hit with one of the biggies, like heart disease, cancer, or stroke, all sorts of other things happen that can mess with sex, like prostate problems, vaginal illnesses, urethra leaks, vaginal prolapses, men’s breasts that grow, women’s breasts that shrink or go flat, nipples that become less sensitive, limp penises, and low libidos from dozens of different causes.
So what can we do? How about saying, “No way will I let (insert name of illness or injury) take away all my fun!” If you have any part of you that can still move and feel, if you have a partner or even if you don’t, if you can think even one sexy thought, you can still have sex. It may be hard to let go of past expectations and accept what is now possible, but once you do, whole new sexy possibilities can open up for you.
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Blog
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Written by Dorree Lynn, PhD
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Tuesday, 17 August 2010 01:43 |
In today’s society there is almost no such thing as a long-term monogamous relationship. This does not mean one must have an affair, or two or three. However, It does mean that to stay wed, couples do best learning to renegotiate who each has grown into at specific developmental junctures. These renegotiating points include but may not be limited to: after children are born, after they leave, menopause, any physical disability or change, a job or location move, getting older, etc. It is hard enough for most people to live peacefully with themselves some of the time; living at peace with another requires double the effort. We teach many skills, self-awareness and communication are generally not among them. As a practicing psychologist who has worked with couples for 2/3 of my life, I believe if couples considered working at intimacy (and sexuality) with as much care as purchasing a new home or “giving at the office,” we might just have more fulfilled families as well as a more stable society.
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Blog
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Written by Dorree Lynn, PhD
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Monday, 02 August 2010 16:30 |
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Individuals and couples often develop their own sex styles that partially reflect their personalities and relationships. Every sex style is good if you both enjoy it and it leads to satisfying sex. Experimenting with another style once in a while can be exciting, too.
Funny sex.You laugh and tease one another in bed. For you, foreplay and sex are all about having fun together. Potential blind spot: you might be missing out on the more relaxed and intimate side of sex.
Angry sex.You make love even when you’re ticked off at each other, or maybe right after a big blowup. This sex style can be healing, as long as you make sure that your problems are eventually talked about and resolved. Potential blind spot: when do you get a chance to make love without war first?
Lusty sex. This style can be full of wicked and flirty looks at each other, a passionate kiss in the grocery store when no one is looking, an unexpected quickie, and the joy of having sex just for the sake of sex. Potential blind spot: lusty sex alone sometimes becomes a way to avoid emotional intimacy and vulnerability.
Tender sex. You love gentle, romantic, healing sex that may involve soothing massage, light touches, candlelight, soft music, sharing secrets, and ministering to each another.
Potential blind spot: where’s the heat?
Fantasy sex. Your adventuresome spirit is to be envied by many. Role-playing, costumes, fetishes, images (alone or shared) provide saucy spice. Potential blind spot: make sure
your real lover remains in the picture.
Comfort sex. Just another ho-hum, tired-at-the-end-ofthe- day roll in the hay. You snuggle next to each other, some caressing starts, maybe there’s intercourse, maybe not. You feel connected and relaxed before falling asleep. Potential blind spot: Comfort patterns are easy to get into and difficult to leave.Keep some reserve energy for times of desire and passion.
Accommodating sex. He/she wants sex and you go along. You’re not that into it at first, but can lie back (or just relax) and enjoy it if your partner initiates and does most of the “work.” Sometimes, pleasing a horny partner is generous. Potential blind spot: could become a habit unless you make sure the favor is returned and you still have times of mutual passion.
Wild-side sex. You go for new sex toys, whips, chains, ceiling hooks, films, pornography, and erotic books. Potential blind spot: make sure your body can twist like a pretzel, and
ask yourself if you still have desire even without all the extra bells and whistles.
Tantric or Kama Sutra sex. You both breathe deeply and mutually expand your sexual (and possibly even spiritual) experiences by focusing on the process rather than only on the end goal. Potential blind spot: Are you gaining a new, passionate experience or losing your fire? Take a pass on the self-criticism if this kind of sex turns out not to be your thing.
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Blog
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Written by Dorree Lynn, PhD
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Wednesday, 28 July 2010 19:21 |
Divorce happens to many after 50 and the issues are different than when one is young. Divorce After 50: Your Guide to the Unique Legal & Financial Challenges by Attorney Janice Green is an up-to-date, comprehensive and much needed guide for all who find themselves over 50 and daringly or unwillingly divorcing. Green leaves no stone unturned. Should you need it, Divorce After 50 is your late-life divorce companion. This easy to read book, helps to make a crazy time saner. It's an easy read that guides you through the legal and financial issues that are particularly relevant to this second half of life experience. Not only does it deal with legal and financial issues, but the book has a personal touch that helps those facing this challenge as grown-ups recover emotionally as well as financially. If you happen to be one of the many who have gone through or who are going through a divorce, this book can ease the way and give you hope for your future. If you happen to be in this complex and emotionally wrenching situation, Divorce After 50 can help you navigate the rocky shoals to new water and remember there's a new life to live.
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