Marriage: The Second Time Around   Posted:10/22/2008 4:14:00 PM Posted By:Carol Denker Comment: Hello Beverly, I enjoyed reading your story so much. Congratulations on finding "the real thing". I am writing a book about couples who find love in the later years (www.autumnlove.org) and so much of what you say, I'm finding in my interviews. The lust is there (surprise--we didn't know that when we were 25)--but what I hear you saying, and all these other couples saying, is that the lust is deepened and made more special with all the wisdom and deeper emotions that comes with age. The way you describe weeping after the divorce, then taking off the "blinders", to see what is REALLY involved in a good relationship. I would love you to be part of my book! My email address is caroldenker@comcast.net. Thanks for sharing your story. Carol Denker Author Reply Here Posted:9/12/2008 1:31:00 PM Posted By:Jacqueline Wales Comment: Hey Beverly: Right on target as usual. I married the first man who said he loved me and was already in divorce mind a month after we married. Six years later, I walked out. My second one has lasted for twenty-nine years and while it has not exactly been a bed or roses and lust, it has been a journey together that has taken us places we could not have gone alone. I'm guessing it is until death us do part at this stage. All the best Jacqueline www.fearlessfifties.com Author Reply Here Posted:8/25/2008 8:12:00 PM Posted By:aVA MIAMI Comment: 2ND TIME IS THE BEST BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE IT WORK. NO ONE LIKES FAILURE. Author Reply Here Posted:8/25/2008 7:28:00 PM Posted By:Debra Welch Comment: Great article! To the point, incisive and so, so on target. Author Reply Here Posted:8/25/2008 12:53:00 PM Posted By:Lukeither Willingham Comment: You go girl! I've never married, but I believe it's important for us to know ourselves and know the difference in falling in love and being in lust. I look forward to my first marriage and having a man who will appreciate my strengths and weakness and as his help meet know they will work to his good. Author Reply Here Posted:8/25/2008 7:57:00 AM Posted By:L Bridges Comment: Very good article... Been there myself as well. Author Reply Here Posted:8/23/2008 11:21:00 PM Posted By:Elizabeth Roberts Comment: Another great piece of work by Beverly! I could relate with this entire article, well until the mention of a new marriage... I'm still single. Author Reply Here Posted:8/23/2008 4:34:00 PM Posted By:Barb Ireland Comment: Great article Bev:) I was one of the lucky ones who still is very much in love with her hubby after 27 yrs, lol! I totally agree about the lust part, it's what happens after that "lust" fades is the important part of husband and wife and staying together. Author Reply Here Posted:8/23/2008 3:54:00 PM Posted By:Claudia Meydrech Comment: Nice article, so glad you are happy in your marriage. I'm thankful that my "second time around" is a matured relationship with the same guy I married the first time around... we grew and changed together, and have been able to push through the challenges with God's help and strength. I think we are still learning and growing! It doesn't happen that way for everyone, but it can be done:-) Claudia Reply: Claudia, You married the same guy twice? I bet that's an interesting story. There's no way under the son I would've married my first husband twice but I do know, sometimes, you can wake up and realize your first love was your TRUE love. Posted:8/23/2008 11:33:00 AM Posted By:Donna Cutting Comment: Great article. Perhaps my marriage has been successful because I waited until I was in my early thirties. On the other hand, I do know a wonderful couple who were high school sweethearts and have been wonderfully happy for over fifty years. Perhaps it has to do with readiness... at any age... to realize that it takes two to make a marriage work or fail. Who knows... I just know I'm happy for me and my husband, and for Bev and hers. :) Author Reply Here Posted:8/23/2008 10:31:00 AM Posted By:lu pierro Comment: I thought I was madly in love at 18. My mother was a domineering woman who scared the boy away. I was devastated and wrote him every day for a year. We had the chance meeting again when I was 21. I couldn't stand him! Thank God we didn't marry... I did marry a wonderful man at 27, and 35 years later we are still in love. Nothing can beat wisdom and life experiences when making life altering choices. Good luck and many happy years with your new love. lu Author Reply Here Posted:8/23/2008 8:38:00 AM Posted By:Kimberly Perdue-Sims Comment: I can totally relate to this! My first husband was everything a man should be... if he were in a gangster rap video. I believed I could change him, even though I didn't know who I was. My second husband knew he was, what he wanted and where he was going. Now everyday has not been a picnic, but it's a real relationship. After 14 years of marriage, we're still discovering new things about each other, and it's worth the journey. Author Reply Here Posted:8/23/2008 8:07:00 AM Posted By:orrie schulman Comment: I am really enjoying reading your articles. As fate would have it, love touched me in a very unconventional manner as I fell in love and was intimately involved with a man 34 years my senior (literally he was twice my age and 8 years older than my mother):) as well as being a man who required total physical care as the result of becoming quadriplegic from a C4 spinal cord injury he sustained in a diving accident at the age of 35. He was divorced in 1982 8 years post injury), yet he was willing to give love another chance with me at the age of 67. Despite some unconventional circumstances, Stephen and I were very much a typical couple in an intimate relationship. We laughed, we loved, we argued, we cried. And, ultimately, when the time came, Stephen chose to make his transition from this life as I held him. (He chose me over his daughter after she forced the issue.) From the day Stephen died, more than anything I am so grateful I have had the chance to experience true love, and look forward to having it again when the time is right. (I'd be more than happy to share my experiences with you about this.) Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 8:35:00 PM Posted By:Taya Baker Comment: This was not only a great article, but a very accurate one with regards to how differently you think about relationships as you get older. I, myself, am now divorced and have no real desire to marry again. I respect the institution and all that it truly stands for, but, sadly, I can't imagine ever doing it again (maybe because I haven't met anyone...), even on those rare moments when I pine for male companionship. Whatever my current residual issues may be, I'm ecstatic for anyone who finds love the second (or third) time around. It's truly a beautiful thing, especially as you grow older and begin to understand what love and marriage truly mean. Great article Beverly! ~peace~ Reply: Taya, What God has for you is for you---just be prepared to receive it. Posted:8/22/2008 7:30:00 PM Posted By:Polly Scott Comment: Beverly, I'm glad you found the man you wanted in your life. I'm sorry it took the hard lessons of life to make a good choice. I've been married for 25 years this year to my first. However, I tried to learn from my mom who married way too young. Maybe your experience will help someone who is young to learn from things you did and others who've posted so they won't have to learn the hard way. I want to learn from as many others as I can. I don't want to make any of my own mistakes that I don't have to make. I was almost 24 when I married. I've heard that marriages after 25 do the best. So, maybe that's why the second time around can be great for so many people. Glad yours is great! Reply: Thanks Polly! Sounds like you could give your own take on making it work without having to go a second round. Posted:8/22/2008 6:39:00 PM Posted By:Amy  Miyamoto Comment: Beverly, Thank you for writing this article. Your discussion about chemistry reminds me of the chapter from the book Fearless Loving, by Rhonda Britten, called "Chemistry is Between the Ears." When I look back at the chemistry in my 20's versus the "slow burning" chemistry of my marriage in my late thirties I know which one will sustain me for the long haul. Thanks again for sharing this topic! :) Amy Amy Miyamoto Helping Busy Moms Create Health Families http://profile.to/amymiyamoto Reply: Amy, I've never heard of that book but I'll have to look into it. Thanks for your comments. Posted:8/22/2008 5:52:00 PM Posted By:Karen  O'Bannon Comment: Hey Beverly, Great article. When I got married the first time I told myself that was it and I was sure I found the right one. He would have been too IF we both had been ready for the responsibility. We weren't. I wish I knew then what I know now, but it has all worked out. The husband I have now is a good man and we are very happy together. I know I would not have the marriage I have now without the chance to learn from my mistakes. Reply: Karen said... "I know I would not have the marriage I have now without the chance to learn from my mistakes." AMEN! Posted:8/22/2008 5:35:00 PM Posted By:Rhea Becker Comment: I have witnessed so many people making the same mistake the author of this essay made. And they weren't even that young! I wonder why so many people are content to struggle along with relationships that are not worthwhile. I wait, I know. They don't want to be lonely. They would rather suffer than be alone. Sad. Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 4:19:00 PM Posted By:Betty  Lynch Comment: Great advice, thank you! I didn't marry until my late 20s. All my friends were married and I thought I would never get married. However, the man of my dreams came along and we will be celebrating 20 years this November. I was so glad I waited. Reply: Betty, If I knew then what I know now I'm sure I would've waited but just like someone else who commented here said lust was the order of my life along with a biological clock that was ticking pretty fast and relatives who kept nagging! Posted:8/22/2008 4:04:00 PM Posted By:Sherrill Barbary Comment: Wonderfully written article. You are so right in all you said. And, I'm so happy you finally found the RIGHT man for you!! Wishing you many wonderful years together!! Warm regards. Reply: Sherrill, Thanks for your comments. I prefer to believe God sent the right man to me this time around. I thought I FOUND the right one the first time--HA! Posted:8/22/2008 3:51:00 PM Posted By:Roger Madison Comment: I don't know about the second time around. We have been marvelously wed for 42 years. I say marvelous because we have stayed committed to the original goals through the ups and downs. It turns out that I chose my mate for the right reasons - character, self-respect, and values. All the other factors have grown with a lot of effort - friendship, intimacy, personal ambitions, parenting, and love. This approach will work for second or third timers. There are no short cuts. The rewards are immeasurable. Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 2:48:00 PM Posted By:Linda Alexander Comment: Hmmm. . . . Did I write this article?! ROFL. Great insight, Bev. Obviously, so many of travel this path. I married barely out of my teens, a mother a year later & as a Catholic -- marriage for life. When I married, I-knew-NOTHING. Lust, yes. True love? Heck, how would I know?! But love does come again & getting that experience behind me was the best gift God could give me. He sent me my Soul Mate & I thank Him every day for true love! Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 1:52:00 PM Posted By:Tally Green Comment: Great Article Beverly!!!! And I can ditto that the second time around is good. t Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 1:28:00 PM Posted By:Cathy Holloway Hill Comment: You are so right about gaining wisdom as we grow older. Your article was very insightful, and I'm sure it will help soooooooo many people! Continue sharing your great messages!!! Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 12:52:00 PM Posted By:Kristin Andrews Comment: This article really hit home! I'm now divorced--he left for the other woman--and find myself in my 50's not dating since divorce court. It was all so painful the first time, that the thought of a second time is not a road I plan on going down. I think if woman waited longer to marry they would tend to make wiser choices. But it's that dang biological clock that gets us in trouble! Having a career well underway, then finding Mr. Right would be ideal. It's less likely that you'll be seeking a man to fill all your time. You'll make time for your friends and your own interests--which may, or may not, be his interests. When you're older you know who you are, have been on your own for awhile so you know you can, and will survive,and have long ago established your values. Of course, compromise is a big part of marriage so if you're not a compromising person then marriage will never be right for you. It sounds as though you've found someone wonderful to share your life with and that can be wonderful thing. Celebrate it! Kristin Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 12:01:00 PM Posted By:Susan Lowe Comment: Great insight! Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 11:48:00 AM Posted By:Sylvia Hall Comment: I truly believe that everyone deserves to be happy! I was so happy that my mom remarried.... It's great to know she has someone to love, and someone to love her! truly, Sylvia C. Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 11:17:00 AM Posted By:Bob Buckley Comment: Been there, sister. Except, my would say, "Marriage, the third time around." Finally got it right, though. It's tough, at such a young age, really knowing what life is about and, therefore, who we are. Cheers, B Reply: Since I know one of your ex's, all I can say to you is I'm glad you finally decided to look beyond the physical. Posted:8/22/2008 11:03:00 AM Posted By:Lauretta Ali Comment: What a wonderful article. You know, I didn't get married until I was 39 years old. In fact, I had given up hope. I have been married 17 years and I realize it was a great decision to wait. We have had our ups and downs. Yet, because of our ages, we tend to think things through before taking the leap to divorce. I am sure had we been younger when we married it would be quite different now. I always enjoy your articles, Beverly! But, this one I really identified with. Thanks for a fine piece of writing! Reply: Thanks Lauretta! And congratulations to you for understanding how to make it work---for better or for worse. Posted:8/22/2008 11:01:00 AM Posted By:Aimee Wilson Comment: Beverly, I appreciated the article even though I've never been married. The way you look at relationships once you leave them can be similar no matter if you "seal the deal" or get married one or more times. I've reconnected with a friend recently and we've approached our friendship differently than in the past or for me in any other relationship. I'm in no hurry to marry but I'm enjoying the experience. Thanks again for your article! Savor life's best, Aimee Wilson, www.OccasionsToSavor.com Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 11:00:00 AM Posted By:Debra Stokes Comment: Great article, Beverly. Thanks for sharing your experience with its "happy ending." Many women need to hear what you had to say - especially the notion of embracing their experiences to move them into a better future. Let's here it for the second time around club! Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 10:49:00 AM Posted By:Judy Davids Comment: I really enjoyed reading this article. Way to go Beverly! Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 10:40:00 AM Posted By:Emily A Comment: Thanks for your thoughts! Insightful and interesting.. Reply: Thanks Emily for stopping by and reading the article! Posted:8/22/2008 10:37:00 AM Posted By:Kerry Kimble Comment: I am in complete agreement, Beverly, being as I'm in my second marriage at 56 and finding it much more emotionally mature. I'm going to refer a friend to your article; she's 35 and looking for love, but she insists he's got to be HOT. She wants a "hottie" for a partner. Let's see how long THAT requirement works for her! Reply: Kerry, After she finds him, please let me know how long that "steamy romance" lasts :) Posted:8/22/2008 10:37:00 AM Posted By:K W Comment: Great article, Bev! So glad you found someone new to share your life with. Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 10:35:00 AM Posted By:Angie Baker Comment: Couldn't agree more on the second time around. Great article. Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 10:28:00 AM Posted By:Kathy Wulff Comment: Ah, like they say, if I knew then what I know now... Reply: Kathy, I still say it's better to have loved and lost---than to have never loved at all. Thanks for stopping by. Posted:8/22/2008 10:26:00 AM Posted By:Barbara Williams Comment: Sounds good. Author Reply Here Posted:8/22/2008 10:16:00 AM Posted By:Melody Campbell Comment: Whooooo Boy! Ain't That the truth. I THOUGHT I was falling in love with a man that would be with me until we were old and wrinkled together. Now that I look back, I was, as you say "In love with the idea of being in love." Just now reading "Knight in Shining Armor" by PB Wilson. This time around I am going to be ready for the man of my dreams. I am becoming the quality woman to attract a quality man that will truly partner with me this time. Lovely post, Beverly! Reply: Melody, One of my prayers after my divorce was that God mold me into the kind of woman that would be deserving of a good man. It really must start on the inside of us and work its way out so our light will shine for the RIGHT person. Posted:8/22/2008 10:04:00 AM Posted By:Debbie  Eden Comment: Nice article! Wisdom is so very important. Reply: Thanks Debbie, for stopping by, reading the article and leaving your comment. Posted:8/22/2008 9:08:00 AM Posted By:Pam Archer Comment: This is one of the best articles I have read, regarding choosing a life partner. I made the same mistakes as you did, only at a younger age. It's too bad we had to kiss so many frogs to find our handsome prince! Reply: Pam, If you kiss the right frog, he could turn into Prince Charming LOL! Posted:8/22/2008 8:29:00 AM Posted By:Carole Reynolds Comment: Such a touching story, thank you for sharing. Many blessings. Reply: Thank you Carole! Posted:8/22/2008 8:13:00 AM Posted By:Vicki Taylor Comment: Beverly, I too fell for the first love/lust/too young to marry mistake when I was younger. Unfortunately, it not only affected my life and the life of my husband, but the lives of my three children. But, as I grew older, finding true love, real love, long lasting love, is a great example for my children to follow as they grow older as well. I know I've become much wiser in my years and my search for my mate. Finding him was a true gift from God. He came along at the right time in my life. He was there for me in the beginning and he's been there for me ever since. We have a strong loving relationship that relies on us both having things in common and apart. Thanks for the great article. Reply: Vicki, It's nice to read your expression of love and commitment with your second husband. Undoubtedly, it takes work---but it's work worth the effort! Posted:8/22/2008 8:00:00 AM Posted By:Diane Tegarden Comment: Beverly, it's true, so many marriages end in divorce, but the statistics on how many of them end up remarrying never seem to come to light. Yes, as we get older, we can make better decisions and we can fall in love again; the myth of "the ONE" is just that, a myth! I know there is more than one person on this earth who can and will love us, if we just hold out for better treatment, we'll get it. Bright Blessings, Diane T. Reply: True words of wisdom who wrote a book on Divorce. Thanks, Diane, for stopping by and offering your wonderful comments. Posted:8/22/2008 7:59:00 AM Posted By:Sherri Walker Comment: Wonderful article Beverly. Yes, I can relate because I have been there, done that. I am overjoyed in agreeing that yes you can find true happiness the second time around. I was blessed in finding my real prince charming in my second attempt at finding Mr. Right. I have been happily married to my husband Philip for 19 years and even more happy to proclaim in just a few short months we will be celebrating our 20th year Wedding Anniversary. To God be the glory for second chances! Reply: 19 years...wow! You go girl!!! Let's see, in 19 years, my husband will be 71 and we'll still be going strong! :) Posted:8/22/2008 5:34:00 AM Posted By:Edie Weinstein-Moser Comment: I love the way you honor the wisdom you possess that can only come with years and experience. You weren't judging the young woman you were and the young man that your husband was, simply acknowledging the choices that you made. In life, do-overs come with the territory:) Your article provides a beacon of inspiration for those ready to love again, after relationships that didn't quite meet expectation for 'happily ever after'. I'm thrilled for you that you have opened your heart...and look who tumbled in:) Blessings, Edie Reply: Edie, Bad relationships and divorce can leave you bitter. I had my share of anger but once I forgave my ex and accepted my responsibility in the break-up I was able to move on. I took baby steps but I kept stepping! :) Posted:8/22/2008 2:29:00 AM Posted By:Sue Painter Comment: Nice insights, Beverly. It's amazing how many major life decisions change with the longer view that comes with age and experience! Kudos to you for sharing both your mistake and the peace you've found now. Reply: Sue, Mistakes are never easy to acknowledge but once you do you can learn and grow and MOVE ON! Thanks for your comment. Posted:8/22/2008 1:20:00 AM Posted By:Heidi  Richards Mooney Comment: Beverly, I am one of those second-timers (this will be my last since I avoided it for so long). I am married to one of the most amazing men on the planet. As my girlfriends constantly remind me (not that I need reminding). He is a dream of a husband and a true life-partner. And we both went into this relationship with our eyes wide open! Amazing that love can be so much more than just lust ~ I do believe you need a little bit of the lust to keep things exciting though. Thanks for a great article. You are my hero! Warmest regards, Heidi Richards Mooney, Publisher WE Magazine for Women www.wemagazineforwomen.com Reply: After meeting your husband, Heidi, I can honestly say YOU'RE RIGHT! It's so nice to have a man who not only loves you, but supports you in all that you do. I keep wondering if he and Nate are brothers! :) Posted:8/22/2008 12:21:00 AM Posted By:Denise Love-Adams Comment: I enjoyed this article very much. Reply: Thanks Denise! Posted:8/22/2008 12:12:00 AM Posted By:Samuel T Richardson, Sr Comment: Although your story isn't mine for my first marriage, I'm happy for you that you've found your life-mate. Reply: Even though your story isn't mine, I appreciate the fact that you took time to read it and offer a comment. I'd love to hear your story. Posted:8/21/2008 11:36:00 PM Posted By:Sharon Dombroski Comment: I agree with the fact that young love isn't the same as mature love. I met my husband when I was almost 16 and I really can't say that it was all lust as much as the fact that we were kids. We didn't realize how much we were going to change in time. Author Reply Here Posted:8/21/2008 11:35:00 PM Posted By:Krista Clyburn Comment: Beverly, Well written and touching to the heart. I think there are so many of us that can relate to your own story. I know I certainly can! Thank you for such a lovely article and reminding people there is a second chance! Reply: Thank you for your comments Krista! Posted:8/21/2008 11:23:00 PM Posted By:Katherine Reschke Comment: My marriage ended with barely a whimper about 6 years ago but right now I have no intention of trying again. Between my business and my children, I find myself with little energy to even think about a potential second try. One day, one day... Great article - thank you. Reply: Katherine, I hear that a lot from women who have been there---done that. They wrap themselves up in their careers and children and leave little time for themselves. I went back on the fast track with my journalism career but then I had to step back and take a long look at me and my happiness---not the happiness of my children. Once I got over all the bitterness, anger and other emotions attached to my failed marriage, I chose to re-live again and look inward for my happiness. God did the rest. Posted:8/21/2008 10:54:00 PM Posted By:Lisa Mercer Comment: Well-written and enlightening! Thanks, Bev! Lisa Marie Mercer Reply: Thanks for reading the article, Lisa. Posted:8/21/2008 10:21:00 PM Posted By:Vanessa Shelton Comment: Beverly this is a great article that echos much of my own experience. I married twice in my early 20's. The first time to a soldier who was headed overseas and wanted me to be waiting when he came back. We were good together, but the timing wasn't right and 18 months can be a long time to be apart at that age and stage. My second just wore me down. Like yours, great sex and nothing else. I married him when our first son was 11 months old and we stayed together just long enough for me to get pregnant again. Then he became a drug addict and walked out. Since then I've been too busy raising kids and running my business to think about it. But now that the kids are grown maybe I'll get lucky and be blessed like you have been. Vanessa Shelton http://www.vanessasdesk.com Reply: Vanessa, Thanks for sharing your own story. You know, after much prayer and meditation, I came to the conclusion that I could stand on my own two feet (as long as I had God for guidance). That's when my new love came along. I wasn't expecting it or even wanting it. But I am thankful for the blessing. I truly believe God will give us the desires of our hearts so if that is your TRUE desire, get ready for your blessing! Posted:8/21/2008 9:44:00 PM Posted By:Laurie  Neumann Comment: Bev, Good article. I appreciate your honesty in what you shared. I didn't get married til I was 29, and am so glad I waited. If I had married one of my "earlier guys" it would have never lasted. I'm so glad to hear you have been blessed with a wonderful husband. Reply: Laurie, I wish I had waited (in hindsight) but seeing all of my other girlfriends getting married and that passion running through my body had my heart talking instead of my HEAD. But I'm so blessed to have gotten it right this time! Thanks for your comment. Posted:8/21/2008 8:30:00 PM Posted By:Terri PopArtDiva Comment: Beverly, it's so true, when we're young we do not see the red flags that are obvious to a mature woman. Some women never see them and continue to repeat their love patterns! Your comment about not seeing as well made me chortle out loud! Reply: Terri, I hope you weren't mixing one of your famous PopArtDiva martinis at the time! Thanks for your comment. Posted:8/21/2008 8:02:00 PM Posted By:Kathy Reilly Comment: Great Article Bev! Took me a couple of marriages before I learned. I am so pleased you have a great relationship now. This would be a great article to put in jr. high weekly bulletins. Reply: Kathy, Remember that old saying, "It's hard to see the forest for the trees?" It's hard to see the mess you're making as you're going through it sometimes. But stepping away and growing up made me see the picture much more clearly---as I'm sure it did for you too. Thanks for your comment. Posted:8/21/2008 6:49:00 PM Posted By:Eileen  Williams Comment: Great post, Beverly, and I'm so glad that your love life is going strong. I made a lot of mistakes in my younger years, but marriage wasn't one of them. I'm about to celebrate 34 years with the same man! Reply: Congratulations Eileen! I'm sure you have words of wisdom as well on how to get it right the FIRST time. Posted:8/21/2008 5:56:00 PM Posted By:Teri Dempski Comment: What great advice about love, lust and marriage! This blog should be read by every young person thinking of getting serious with their first love. I also married young, was head-over-heels, and blinded by love. The first marriage was a disaster that only lasted 2 1/2 years. I did find my best friend in the world the second time around. We have been married for 28 years and counting, have a beautiful family and my life is good. Thank you Beverly, for sharing a little bit of your 50+ wisdom so eloquently. Reply: Teri, I knew the marriage was over after about 10 years but I stayed because we had a child and I had a "public image" to maintain. (Divorce wouldn't look good). But being happy and single proved to be so much better than being married and miserable so after another 8 years I finally called it quits. Posted:8/21/2008 5:44:00 PM Posted By:Sally Witt Comment: Beverly, Great post and story behind it. I was engaged to the wrong man, but luckily I married the right one. We just celebrated 24 years married this month. I feel that every year we have been closer and more deeply in love. Bruce has shown me the way God loves me, and I am so happy that your husband now is so great for you! I know not everyone can do it right the first time, I am really supportive of people leaving the wrong relationship to find the right one. Great job on Fifty and Furthermore! Dr. Sally Witt www.drsallywitt.com Reply: Isn't it great to know we can get second chances?! Sometimes we need three or four more!:) Posted:8/21/2008 4:27:00 PM Posted By:Amy Jo Garner Comment: Beverly, you are so funny: "As for me, I'm smart enough not to believe in love at first sight anymore. One reason being, I don't see quite as well as I used to." I never believed in love at first sight. I was, however, blinded by a fantasy of what married life would be like - the reality can be pretty harsh when that fantasy doesn't pan out! Reply: Amy, You're not alone in your fantasy of what marriage is supposed to be like. Many young women buy into a "fairy tale image" that is painted for us by the media. That God you woke up for the nightmare---just as I did! Posted:8/21/2008 3:54:00 PM Posted By:Jennifer Evans Comment: I love this article on love and marriage. I think that everyone should read it and understand that marriage is hard work but so worth it if you just communicate. I have been married 18yrs and he is still my best friend and my BOAZ. Keep the truth coming. Jennifer Evans Reply: Jennifer, The reason I believe your marriage is a success is because you both WORK at it. These days, too many couples are ready to throw in the towel without making a serious effort to deal with their issues. Marriage is hard work---and you get out of it what you put into it. Thanks for your comments. Posted:8/21/2008 1:45:00 PM Posted By:Kathryn Little Comment: My first marriage was entered in too early... didn't really know the man. He was abusive and a pathological liar. My second was a God-send. He even dreamed about me and my two sons. Good article Bev. You always know what to write. Don't even doubt your ability. Reply: Kathryn, You know the word says, "When a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing." You were obviously a "good wife" even before you or your husband knew it. I know not having him around anymore has been hard on you but the memories last FOREVER. Don't forget that. Be Blessed! Posted:8/21/2008 1:06:00 PM Posted By:MJ Stern Comment: The wisdom of the mature. It is so true. Thanks for sharing. Reply: It took me awhile to get to the "mature" stage but that's truly one of the benefits of aging. Thanks for your comments! Posted:8/21/2008 12:42:00 PM Posted By:Teresa  Morrow Comment: Well Beverly, I am not in my fifties however, I have been married more than once (in my 3rd and final). Both of my other marriages I went into for the wrong reasons and with the wrong people (for me). The first time I got married was for escaping my parents house and the second was due to being pregnant. Both men were decent people but really not the ones for me. However, I realized that after it was all said and done, I had something to do with the break up of these relationships too - it mostly isn't one sided. With my current husband, I was able to find out what love really is and in doing so was able to bring myself to love me for who I am - making our relationship terrific. It is based on mutual respect and unconditional love. I am happy for you Beverly that you found someone who loves you for you and you love him back the same way. Happy Marriage! Sincerely, Teresa Morrow Reply: Teresa, We all dream and hope for a "happily ever after" the first time we take that trip down the aisle---but as you have indicated sometimes, happiness is jaded. I had hoped to be married only once but when the blinders came off, I saw my ex and myself for who were really were. I'm glad the third time's a charm for you! Posted:8/21/2008 12:22:00 PM Posted By:rosie horner Comment: "What's Love Got To Do With It" Tina Turner was so on target. So often we think it is love but it is only an emotion. Beverly I believe that when you wiped away the tears you had not only new vision but clear insight, deeper feelings and sustaining relationship based wisdom. The good thing about being a baby boomer is that we can share those wise and unwise moments with others. We hope that those younger will take advantage and listen. Thanks for sharing Reply: Rosie, I'm still crying these days...but they are tears of total bliss and joy!!! Posted:8/21/2008 11:33:00 AM Posted By:Jim DeMicco Comment: Great article! Welcome to F&F.com Beverly. Reply: Thanks for your comment! back to the article      CARE GIVING    CHARITY    FAMILY    FITNESS    GOING GREEN    HEALTH AND BEAUTY    POLITICS    PSYCHO SAVVY    REFLECTIONS    RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE    SEX    SPIRIT

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