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Posted:8/28/2008 5:01:00 PM |
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Posted By:Richard Anderson
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Comment:
I agree with Dr. Dorree Lynn's comments. This proverb (one of America's 101 most-frequently quoted) sums it up: Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.
A spousal caregiver for a spouse with a long-term or chronic illness and/or disability can have a lot of emotional turmoil as well as actual physical illness visited upon them in the course of their life with their spouse/partner they're trying to help. Nobody is a saint here -- neither the ill person nor the well spouse -- it's just two people against the world, and trying to cope with ever-changing conditions brought on by the illness/disability -- including among others, effects that can lead to a complete, long-term shutdown of their intimate relations.
For those of you reading this who are spousal caregivers, please check out the Well Spouse Association:
http://wellspouse.org
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Reply:
Dear Richard, I appreciate your comment. As you know from my own book on care giving, "When The Man You Love Is Ill," there is no one answer. None of us understand the dynamics of a marriage behind closed doors. Even more so, there are so many challenges when a relationship is coping with illness and care giving. I agree with your proverb, and live by it myself as a psychologist. An outsider can easily judge. From the inside, when you are living with this ever changing dynamic, it is far more raw and difficult. There's a fine line between external morality and the actions born out of a couple's stress.
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Fifty and Furthermore |
Dr. Dorree Lynn | All Rights Reserved.